I am livid that I even need to write this, but apparently there are some in the Twitter minor attracted people (MAP) community who have ideas of what being anti-contact is that are not founded in reality. My name is Timothy N. Fury, and for a long time I went as just TNF 13. I have been on staff in the MAP community, in MAP Support Chat, for about a year and a half now (I am now an administrator there). I am trusted by many in the MAP community for simple reasons: I am passionate about destigmatizing minor attraction so that minor attracted people can come forward for help before a child is harmed. I have many reasons for that passion, part of which is that I was abused as a child.
First off, let me clarify something about what being anti-contact and being an advocate of sex abuse prevention means:
It means being morally against the sexual abuse and exploitation of real children. That is all.
It does not mean they do not struggle with being a minor attracted person.
It does not mean they are perfect.
It does not mean they will never make a mistake.
I have had many people come to me because they were struggling. Some ask for help to find a professional in their area. Some are struggling with viewing sexually harmful images of children, and want to stop. Helping those people and standing with them and standing up for them while they are struggling is not weakness and does not compromise that moral conviction of being against sexual abuse and exploitation.
A big part of prevention – sexual assault advocacy organizations worldwide talk about this – is primary/secondary prevention. Primary prevention is helping people avoid a harmful outcome before it happens, and secondary prevention is helping people who are at-risk for that harmful outcome before it happens. Another part of prevention is tertiary prevention, or helping people who have harmed stop that harm and make better decisions. I believe – and the research backs up this belief – that people can and do change. That change is what victim/survivors want. They want accountability, regardless of what that looks like.
I do not believe for one second that harassing people who are asking for help and support is an answer to people who are struggling. Unfortunately, there are some in the MAP community who do:
That the original harassment from Deku, AKA Adam (his old name in the MAP community), is completely unacceptable. The lies about the individual being harassed are completely unacceptable. The individual has never left the MAP community, they have been less visible so they can work on their struggles. They struggled with viewing images months ago, and struggles with a number of different mental health issues besides. They are currently getting professional support. I was one of the people they came to for help, so I know full well that they are trying to make progress on managing their mental health in a harm-free way.
So the idea that anyone rushed to excuse anyone’s actions is a lie. The idea that anyone told them they did nothing wrong is a lie, save for the person who sexually abused the individual who then struggled with images later on. Last year, I was involved in a situation in MAP Support Chat where we removed a member because we found out they were actively abusing children, and we reported them to law enforcement because they were not willing to change their behavior. I am absolutely willing to report people in the rare and unlikely instance of someone shamelessly causing direct harm to children and doing nothing to change their behavior. I am not going to sit by and let anyone excuse harmful behavior towards children, and there are certain situations that call for a law enforcement intervention.
At the same time, I am also not going to shame someone for decisions they regret and want to change. Shaming people who are struggling only makes them feel worse, and they will hate you for saying things that shame. I think just about anyone can relate to having done something wrong and being needlessly shamed for it, and the feelings around that shaming. That shame is simply not helpful.
I also had someone – when I asked that individual if it would be okay to do this blog post – come to me with screenshots of their conversations with Deku/Adam, showing that Deku is not as innocent as he likes to pretend:
Using someone’s struggles against them, to me, as someone who has helped many people with their struggles, is a despicable act that is not acceptable. I can count on one hand the number of times I have ever used someone’s failings against them, and that is because those people were trying to pretend those failings never happened while hypocritically (like Deku here) trying to use other’s failings against them. Hurting people hurt people. That does not make hurting people okay.
People make choices for a great many reasons. They own those choices to be sure, but at the end of the day, broadcasting someone’s worst choices just because you hold a grudge against them and for no other reason is the same kind of thinking that “antis” use when they dox minor attracted people and other minorities they hate. That, at its core, is dehumanizing other people and holding yourself above others, and that absolutely has no place in the MAP community. If we pretend to care about the stigma and hate that is leveled at us for having an attraction we never chose and believe it is morally wrong to act on, then we must also care when a member of our community takes it upon themselves to levy that stigma towards another member of the community.
There is no doubt that Deku/Adam will try to spin this another way. In fact, he already did. “If he didn’t want people to know then he shouldn’t have done it.” That kind of thinking has no place in a community where we support others who are struggling. That same thinking could be applied to the person struggling with drug use, or manipulative behavior towards others (looking right at you, Adam). “If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime!” Well, guess what, Deku? Plenty of people around the world could be locked up for things they have done. None of us are perfect, and using those imperfections as weapons is possibly the lowest form of dehumanizing nonsense that any community could participate in aside from maligning a group of people for their skin color, heritage, mental health condition, sexuality, etc. It is simply not acceptable behavior. That should not be controversial. Supporting people who want help should not be controversial.
If any minor attracted person has a problem with that, then they do not belong in this community. If any minor attracted person thinks that supporting people who are struggling makes the supporting person somehow not anti-contact or supportive of abuse, then their thinking is messed up. If you cannot learn to get along with others, and choose to pick on others, the only thing that makes you is a bully. I do not like bullies. I have seen enough bullying in my lifetime without sitting back and watching members of the community I am a part of tear into people because they were struggling at one point.
I sincerely hope that between now and the new year, regardless of what holiday/s people decide to celebrate, the MAP community can take it upon themselves to stand against bullying of this kind and I do not have to write something like this for a long time.