What follows is a document that has been three months in the making, and contains a variety of tips for advocating, particularly on humanizing minor attracted people.
Timothy N. Fury
With ideas from many generations who came before me that are too numerous to name, and many people who I sought feedback from. Huge thanks to all of you!
This guide details what I have learned on social media, from what works in creating MAP awareness, and what does not, so the bulk of this guide applies a little more to social media than other venues. This guide contains observations and strategic information that may be used to start what I believe will be the ultimate destigmatization of minor attraction and minor attracted people. This strategy plays the long game and requires patience.
Mental Health Warning
For each individual following this strategy guide there will be a toll on your mental health and you will need a support system in place in real life. If you do not have a real life support such as an understanding close friend, partner, or loved one, or at the very least see a therapist who knows about your attractions and is supportive, do not participate in this strategy, and close/delete this document permanently from your system. The very last thing I want to see is someone kill themselves because they did not have the proper supports while using this strategy guide.
To start a movement of minor attracted people who refuse to be silent about our shared humanity and push society to accept us, warts and all, using a comprehensive strategy and spin a narrative that works to accomplish this. Full stop. This will not look like a civil rights protest, this will look like a snowball rolling downhill, picking up more snow and momentum with one unstoppable goal: People treating us as human beings.
Any goals around ideology and “rights” are not a direct part of this movement, as this particular movement is to lay the groundwork for that (presuming rights to mean destigmatization of attraction, support, humanization, etc.). Also, people will automatically hear “they want sex with kids” if we put minor attraction and rights together in the same sentence – we need to find positive ways to say this that people will listen to and hear what we actually want, not project what they think we want onto our words and real positions. In other words, we need to make our narrative as spin-proof as possible to ensure the message we want to send is the one people are hearing.
This vision will be best accomplished by publicly adopting a reasonable anti-abuse/sexual violence prevention position that does not condemn people for struggling with images (even if that is a struggle you cannot relate to, take the time to listen to those who have in private), but does condemn abusing kids. No further nuance should be needed in public.
There may be the occasional statement about sex abuse prevention being a systemic and multi-pronged approach that is complex, but those complexities are for professionals, not the public. The public tends to simplify complex information, and in this case, that works against us because their simplifications will end up being caricatures of what we really want.
The narrative being pushed is that we, as a group, are against the sexual abuse of children and would be valuable allies in combating and preventing sexual violence, and that we refuse to be silent or shame/stigmatize ourselves for our attractions. All public messaging should revolve around those principles.
Applicable Ideas From Military Strategy
These are a few principles from military strategy that are good to know and remember:
- Know your enemy – Know what people who want to stigmatize us will say ahead of time, and know what kind of arguments they will use (emotion-based propaganda, not logical arguments).
- Divide and conquer – Know how this strategy can be used against us (and is already being used against us by trolling, both the obvious and not-so-obvious), and realize that not every social media account is who they say they are. The goal of the enemy is to divide us against one another. Those enemies do not only come from the outside, they can come from within.
- Protect the medic – Protect your healers from enemy influence. In this case, protect the mental health of the most hard-hitting advocates, amplify their voices as much as possible, and protect the mental health of those who help others.
- Watch your flanks – Do not fall into the trap of getting so focused on one aspect that you miss the entire picture. This includes engaging with trolls who are actively trying to distract you from your end-goals by using short-term tactics intended to irritate you.
- Psychological warfare – People WILL try to use this against you. Be aware of what it is: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_warfare
- Knowledge is power – Think of all information as valuable, and use it, talk about it, and share it whenever you have the opportunity.
- Do not fully commit – This is a little more difficult, but essentially, you do not want to fully commit all or most of your resources to any assault, period. You want to ensure you have backup strategy in place to handle contingencies and adapt to the situation until you know you can win, and the winning strategy is unique to every different situation. In other words, if all you do is attempt a head-on assault with no alternate strategy, you will be in for a long slog that may lead to dire consequences.
Basic Starting Principles
The principles of this strategy guide are as follows:
- Practice good internet security, and safeguard your sensitive information carefully. Avoid using services like Google, Microsoft, Yahoo, etc. Opt for better email providers like Tutanota and Protonmail, and switch over if you can. Relevant resources:
- Ensure you are pseudonymous: Safeguarding your identity and safety is YOUR responsibility. Principles:
- No real names, period. Make a name meaningful to you, but sensible, or use a name generator until you find one you like.
- That tip about emails? Use a separate one from your real life identity.
- Do not use a nickname that is in any way tied to your real identity.
- Get to know people for months before you even think about identifying yourself or your specific location. Stick to states, countries, or territories, not cities/towns/villages. Even then, know that once you share that information with someone, you cannot take it back and they can share that information. Make sure you know they really are who they say they are. Avoid pissing those people off.
- Never, ever click shortened links, otherwise use a link unshortening service to identify where the link leads first. Do not click on suspicious emails or download attachments from people you do not know.
- If you choose to be on social media as a MAP, then know that if your posting styles between your real accounts and your MAP account can be easily compared. Use a different writing style and watch what you share. Or better yet, delete your real-life social media accounts entirely.
- With that being said, social media is not required. Stick to known and trusted communities, even if you disagree with their philosophies. Build bridges and love, not strife and animosity. Help your fellow MAPs. Virtuous Pedophiles and MAP Support Club run secure operations with knowledgeable people, there are many others. Avoid Discord. Surround yourself with support and positivity. Do not get baited into participating in community drama.
- Control the narrative on our terms, not society’s. Play by what works to catch the kind of attention we want. Do not operate with the line that “any publicity is good publicity,” as in our case, this is not true. Do not argue from facts wherever possible – only answer questions from those curious about what the facts and research are, or when dealing with a so-called expert. For most, differ from experience, use anecdotal evidence. Appeal to emotion, not logic. We are your neighbors, sons, daughters, coworkers, friends, and family.
- Stop fighting battles that are currently not feasible. Picture military strategy: You do not want to get caught into a long gun battle, you want to strategically control the battle on YOUR terms to end the engagement as quickly as possible. As such, we need to avoid the following:
- Arguing with trolls in long drawn-out threads. Please read Kamil Beylant’s guide to identifying them, and familiarize yourself with it. https://justpaste.it/darkartsdefensetrolls Be willing to block them or ignore them without responding. Mass replies to trolls only makes their comment more prominent because of how social media algorithms work. This can also be used in reverse by posting provocative stuff like “Minor attracted people deserve support.” on high-profile videos, tweets, posts, accounts, etc.
- Using text-only options of spreading the word. Talk to people in your real life with small conversations, feel out who you can come out to and who you cannot (more tips), use podcasts and put together videos and images. Make memes. Get creative!
- Publicly nitpicking the words pedophile/pedophilia, especially in news reports. There will be time for this later. If you really must correct, email the media organization before you complain on social media. Use minor attraction and minor attracted people when in public, no acronyms except in hashtags. Avoid using the technical jargon like pedophile/hebephile, etc. Keep it simple.
- Nitpicking facts. The facts are not what most people base their decisions on (check their feed and profile first). They base their decisions on emotion, so you need to use things they can emotionally relate to. Some concrete examples of how to respond with emotion:
- Anti: “You’re a sick motherfucker! I hope you kill yourself!” You: “If I was your child, would you still want me dead?” Then stop engaging.
- Anti: “Minor attraction? You mean pedophilia!” You: “Don’t tell me what I mean and what I don’t mean, that’s rude.”
- Anti: “Well, most pedophiles reoffend, so you need to be shot or locked up!” You: “So it’s okay for me to assume you’re a rapist too? Okay boomer.”
- Use clear communication. Never use acronyms or jargon when you can spell out the meaning clearly and concisely. Minor attracted people, not MAPs. Non-offending, not NO. Etc.
- Patience, and lots of it. Keep the end goal in mind, and no matter how frustrated you get, do not let anyone see it publicly in the heat of the moment. There are times and places for that anger. I am not suggesting to not be emotional – just pick the right moments for doing so, not when you are mid-discussion or during an interview with the media. Also, by contrast, avoid closing yourself off from support by never talking to people when something is bothering you.
- Stop arguing. It does not work with most people. Check someone’s profile before you respond and know who the logical people are before you hit send and respond accordingly. With most people, tell stories. Talk about your story. Talk about how you came to realize you are minor attracted and what it means for you. Talk about your struggles, your moral quandaries, your difficult relationships. Encourage people you have told in your life to tell their stories. Be real. Be raw. Be genuine. We need storytellers. But above all, do not let anyone who is not close to you tell you how to tell your story. It should be real, raw, and humanizing. It should be yours.
When I say short-term, I mean that this process will take anywhere from months up to years, depending on how smoothly this goes. How smoothly this goes is up to you. Take responsibility for it! Own it! Be passionate about it!
The short-term strategy is to grow. That will happen naturally as word spreads and communities get more and more established and connected. We need to build a strong network for ourselves. Leave connecting with professionals to those familiar with it, and get connected to those people if you are interested to learn the ropes. Use what you are good at – do not try to be someone you are not. If you idolize particular advocates, talk to them honestly. “I idolize you because _____, I’d like to learn more about what you do. Help me learn.”
Those of you who are not familiar with marketing concepts and how social media algorithms work: Learn them. Watch commercials. Watch videos on marketing and sales. Share and talk about these resources in your communities. Know how Russia interfered with US elections in 2016 and tried again leading up to 2020. Yes, you read that right. Create a separate advocacy account or sanitize a current account: Eliminate any “creepy” or NSFW material like porn, YouTube videos, etc.
I realize this next part will be difficult for some and will run contrary to the personal convictions of many. My personal beliefs on this part have not changed. In order to address this, I will not direct my comments to any one ideology, side, etc. Picture me as neutral. I am Switzerland.
Enough with the “contact war” from ALL angles. Agree with the majority view that child sexual abuse is harmful when in public, stop the public bickering over policy nuance, and leave those nuances to private communities or direct messages whenever possible. I realize for some, even many, that is a sacrifice and may seem intellectually dishonest. I believe it is currently a necessary one. Flippantly toss aside the trolls that ask you, “Well, how do you define child sexual abuse?” with a simple “You need me to define sexual assault for you? I’m calling the police.”
People following this strategy will be forced to either condemn or ignore viewpoints that seem to promote sexual abuse in public, and this will have consequences for ALL of us. We have already seen some of these consequences, as it is easy for most to dismiss both sides when they see the bickering or to imply that all MAPs believe sex abuse is okay. The better state would be if those viewpoints were not shared publicly and we call on all sides a temporary cessation of bickering in public or the “contact war” about it at least until the long-term goals and vision of this strategy have been achieved if not slightly longer. Keep it to private communities wherever possible. The purpose of this is not to hide our warts, but to spin-proof the movement as much as possible.
In order to grow, we absolutely must stop bickering and starting drama with each other. That bickering is why the “antis” are so successful at trolling our communities. We need to stop bickering publicly among ourselves in terms of those moral discussions. Right now, pro/anti contact is a religious moral belief, with frequently used terms or labels regarding who is “Lutheran” or “Orthodox” or “Buddhist” or “Islamic” or “Jewish” etc. In November and December 2019, I ran a project to address these labels. This is not to say anyone following this strategy is required to interact with people they do not want to. This is to say that we are holding good progress back by being public with these disagreements. Divide and conquer IS a strategy that is CURRENTLY being used against us.
This means no more calling people out for perceived immoral behavior or their contact stance and starting drama and fights, no more publicly airing grievances on Twitter, no more outing people as pro/anti contact, no more accusations of viewing child pornography, etc. If you have an issue with someone, do your best to clearly communicate what it is with them privately. Realize that some of us, particularly those connected with professionals, may say things a certain way in public to send a strong message to the right people or otherwise make political moves. Some of us, like myself, are constrained by many things that may not be visible to you, or they may be constrained by confidentiality. Talk to them in private and hold your anger as much as you can. Realize that their response may not be about you at all.
My general rule of advice short-term is to not identify yourself directly as a minor attracted person in your profile, or if you do, phrase it positively in a way that is perfectly clear (for example, “I am a human being with an attraction to minors, an interest in death metal, and I love reading romance novels”). Put your humanity first wherever possible. Tell people about some of your interests while being careful to not be too specific (safety first, come out at your choosing, not theirs). Joke around. Laugh. Be yourself. Shitpost. We need to build a cooperative community, particularly in public, and we need to stabilize as a community that supports one another. In other words, minor attraction should not be your only topic. Talk about other things! Be human! It is very weird, even for a topical social media account, to focus so much on such a niche topic without talking about other things!
If you have a Twitter account, seek out sex workers to follow and observe how they interact with and support one another. Notice how they frame the issue as if they are fighting for their very existence and the right to participate meaningfully in society. We need to build a community like this, only aimed at getting support for us all with dire consequences – suicide, mental health issues, etc – if that support is not available. Our shared humanity and struggles are more important than political bickering in public.
This is NOT to say that there will not be drama or politics involved in our community (of course there will!), but the goal should be to keep drama and politics in private spaces and out of the public eye, or as much as possible resolved privately between two individuals, maybe even seek out a mediator if need be. If that means not interacting with each other because you simply cannot get along or acting like two people at an office who can work together but secretly hate each other’s guts, do it. But in public, be civil to each other under all circumstances wherever possible or simply block each other.
Some of us like me have already built on a platform of critiquing organizations for ineffective policies and such – leave that to us and let us take the heat for that, it will take attention off the movement and momentum we are trying to build. Some of you will think those critiques do not go far enough – those of us already doing this know the territory and know what will be effective in acting as “bait” to draw the attention and outrage away from the main movement and the main goal. We know perfectly well what the ideal end-goal is, but you cannot force everyone to get there immediately.
Short-Term Coming Out Preparations
Some of the above is in preparation for a worldwide coming out day. This section is for preparations you will need to take ahead of time if you wish to participate in the first worldwide minor attracted people coming out day (first date to be determined, DO NOT COME OUT WITHOUT SERIOUS CONSIDERATION) and have it be safe and successful. If you are a minor, ignore this section. Tips (some may be location-specific beyond the United States, in which case you may need to do some digging for your own location):
- Visit people search engines (there are many) and remove yourself and your loved ones. Many times this can be done for free, though there are reputation services that will assist in this process for a fee. Further reading: https://www.reputationdefender.com/blog/privacy/how-to-remove-public-records-from-the-internet-in-five-steps
- Per the above guide, get a PO box and reroute any public records to your PO box rather than your home address.
- Along those same lines, do NOT build up online resumes or LinkedIn profiles to avoid people finding out where you work. Safeguarding your privacy ahead of time is the best way to protect it.
- Talk to anyone you could potentially come out to before you actually do it. I give some guidance on that here: https://aboutpedophilia.com/2018/09/01/the-complexities-of-a-pedophile-coming-out/ Be aware that who you tell can share that information if they choose, so get to know the person and share wisely. Talk to your friends, family members, and neighbors to feel out how they think about similar issues. Know who the bigots are and who the listeners are ahead of time, before you share your attractions.
- This was said at the very beginning, but it bears repeating: Have a good support system. People will attempt to harass you, people will try to discourage you, and they will resort to any trick they can try. The purpose of this section is to mitigate those tricks. These tricks WILL have an effect on your mental health. Some of these tricks include:
- Bullying in school
- Parents having concerns about MAPs being around kids (even if same age, and including your own parents)
- Finding your workplace and harassing your boss
- Know that once you come out, there is no rewind button. Your name, face, and information WILL spread across the internet and WILL go before your friends, family, neighbors, bosses, etc. Talk to them ahead of time.
- Expect harassment and abusive comments, and be prepared to completely ignore them or report them to law enforcement in your jurisdiction. Expect people to accuse you of abusing kids, and plan your activities accordingly – stay away from children, so that your best defense is rock-solid.
- Contact law enforcement in your jurisdiction and tell them there is a possibility you could be harassed online.
- Build up a social media account under a pseudonym and make it clear with that account that you are against abuse. Follow abuse prevention organizations, do some virtue signaling if you have to. Maybe even share a mugshot story every now and then, as comfortable. Then, when you come out, change your name and profile picture to yourself.
The long-term strategy involves solidifying the idea that minor attracted people are against sexual abuse and are your friends, family, son, daughter, mom, dad, neighbor, loved one. That is all. No need for nuance, no need for complexity, just that. Like a job applicant or a politician, you are marketing yourself to give off a particular image: A human being who people can relate to.
Part of the long-term strategy is picking a good year to do a “worldwide coming out day” in which people come out as minor attracted publicly. The first year WILL be difficult, and deciding on which year will need to depend on how the short-term strategy evolves and how quickly. This section will be expanded on at a later date as the short-term strategy evolves.